Katherine Tarbox

If you’ve ever taken a psychology class, then you know about the famous murder of Kitty Genovese, who called out for help as she was stabbed in her apartment in Queens, New York.  The police reported the next day that at least 38 people had heard her screams but did nothing.  Psychologists reference the case when demonstrating the “bystander effect”–people’s default mode is to do nothing because they expect someone else will.

The first time I heard of the case against Jerry Sandusky and the fallout at Penn State University, I thought of the “bystander effect.” People were infuriated that several parties, including Joe Paterno, the board of the university, and others, did nothing when they heard about Sandusky’s actions.  That seems to be the standard protocol when it comes to cases of child sexual abuse–do nothing.

Let me give you some facts: one in three children before the age of 18 will become a victim of sexual assault, and almost 80 percent of those cases will never be reported or come to light. Even if they are reported, the chances they will actually be tried are slim.  If the case goes to court, the chances that the perpetrator will spend any real time in prison are low.  So even the victims’ default is to do nothing.

I know this all firsthand because I was a victim of sexual assault and sat through a landmark federal case that took up over two years of my life.  When it came time for sentencing, the guidelines suggested 10 to 20 years.  He got 18 months and probably got out early for good behavior.

While investigating my case, the FBI found more than 20 additional victims (both boys and girls) that this man had either raped or molested but did nothing afterward because they felt it was enough that he was already in jail. Once again, the default became “do nothing.”

When I spoke as a keynote speaker at a U.S. Department of Justice conference, a U.S. Attorney came up to me afterward and said that judges really don’t like to sentence pedophiles for lengthy terms because they often feel as if they are looking at their golfing buddy from the country club and think a slap on the wrist should be enough. I would say they do next to nothing.  I’ve never seen a case with maximum sentencings.  In fact, the wife of Elizabeth Smart’s captor who held her for years is now scheduled to be released in about four years. Those hoping that Sandusky will be locked away without the key should stop.  I doubt it will happen.

I spent a lot of time lobbying on Capitol Hill, and I won’t name names, but even many people in Congress wanted to ”do nothing.”  Even while you are bluntly telling them about how two-year-olds are being raped while a pedophile watches via Web cam, you hear lines about how this isn’t the right agenda for them.  They’d rather spend time saving dolphins or one focused on a bridge being built in his home state.  Laws are already in place to protect children, so they do nothing.

The cost is so high for our doing nothing.  After working and talking with many victims of sexual assault, it’s almost impossible to understand the full traumatic consequences at such a young age.  What I can say is that often a lifetime battle of post-traumatic stress syndrome results, along with an inability to trust, sometimes suicide, and even the creation of future perpetrators.  What is so troubling to me is that people know this, and still they do nothing.  But that’s how it goes. We hear about people being murdered and you do nothing, because you think someone else will. Sadly, when it comes to sexual assault of children, there’s not a lot of people doing.

Spent the morning watching a great race. 

This summer a study from the Gallup Organization caught my eye. The findings indicated that overwhelmingly (80 percent) both men and women prefer male bosses.  This led the Harvard Business School and Forbes’ Facebook sites to conduct informal straw polls that also showed people prefer a male boss to a female one. The comments were wild.

I’ve had only female bosses. But through my male friendships (the ones where no romance has been involved), I could see how a male boss would mean less drama.  Most respondents argue that males are more effective leaders in the workforce because they are less dramatic and can separate home and office better.

As most know, I’m working on a larger piece about powerful women and insecurity.  One subject recently admitted to me that she was afraid to mentor younger women because she didn’t want her position threatened.  This feeling is disturbing because we need more women leaders right now mentoring younger women since we’re still making 75 cents to a man’s dollar, and women make up only 7.6 percent of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

I ask everyone: what has been your experience with female bosses? (You can post without having to put an e-mail address).  Women, do you feel a loss of mentorship with female bosses?

My little sister recently sent me this article from the Huffington Post, which analyzes the findings from a study that asserts that rich men can have a higher BMI and still attract a lady (shocking!).  The other finding is that women who are more educated can also be heavier when attracting a mate.  Researchers at Columbia University conclude that more women are obtaining higher levels in education, and this is appealing for men.

There is this line in the classic Heart song “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You”: “He brought the woman in me, so many times, so easily.”  I hear that line and I wonder where are these men? I read this article, and I wonder where are these men who are so into heavier, educated women.  I have yet to meet the man who is just ecstatic that I might have better degrees or a few more brain cells.  If anything, I’ve had men break up with me because of this. I’ve heard men talk about how attractive a woman’s breasts are or the sex, but I have never heard a man say to me, “I get off because she is so smart.”

My dear friend who now teaches at Northwestern University used to lie to men about where she went to school while she was obtaining her Ph.D. at Harvard University. She posted lies on her Match.com profile because she received far more clicks when she said she was a Boston College student than she did when she said she was at Harvard.

I would love to meet the men in this study, because I don’t think they exist.